D(ecaf)-Day

I have been watching the level as it drops. Every day, I have kept an anxious eye on the contents of my coffee jar, knowing that the inevitable would come. And, yesterday, it arrived. The pot of coffee I brewed used the last of our caffeinated coffee grounds, meaning that I was going to have to replace the contents with…decaf. I had to restrain myself from licking the interior of the now dusty and empty coffee jar.
It has been difficult enough keeping up with the new, carbohydrate-light diet that was introduced into our household after Lor’s first visit with her dietitian. No more soft drinks, no problem – there is still half a case of Mountain Dew (“Code Monkey Fuel”) sitting in our pantry collecting dust waiting for a friend or family member to show up and take it off our hands. No more carbonation was a little trickier – Lor loves those Zero-Calorie carbonated waters and I, of course, was forced to give up my precious, precious beer. Somehow, we powered through.
But coffee! That’s a whole other ball game. I have been a caffeine addict since high school, and have always relied on coffee for my morning jump start. Days when fate or poor planning forced a start without coffee have always led to headaches, stomach upset, and general low-level nastiness on my part. And, in recent years, I have dragged Lor down the Coffee Road behind me, resulting in two caffeine addictions under the same roof. No, mornings are not going to be pleasant in the Hawkwind Habitat for the foreseeable future.
Following some advice from a fellow bariatric patient who was kind enough to visit us here on the blog, I did at least make sure that we got good decaf:
(Seriously, is there anything you can’t get on Amazon?)
It smells good enough going into the jar, but I know from previous experience that, like the main character in Dream Park, I just like the taste of caffeine. (And, sorry to sound like a shill for Amazon here, but if you are a Science Fiction fan who somehow missed out on reading Larry Niven’s Dream Park, stop what you are doing right now and go buy it. You can thank me later.)
I am assured by those that have gone before me that I will kick my addiction in a short period of time, and then all will be sunshine and roses again. But, I am not so sure. Even now, I can feel the tendrils of my desire for caffeine, wrapping like tentacles around my brain, preparing to squeeze all the life out of my ever-weakening form.
Maybe a little less Darkest Dungeon and H.P. Lovecraft while I am kicking coffee, eh?
Staring Into the Caffeine-Free Abyss,
– Hawkwind

Man Up And Eat Your Veggies

24 ounces of Spinachy Carroty Strawberryish Goodness

When Lor and I decided to start looking into more drastic weight loss solutions initially, she had me watch Joe Cross‘ excellent documentary “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead”, chronicling his weight loss journey performing a 60-day “juice fast” and losing over 100 pounds in the process. While “juicing” didn’t really sound like my thing, I had to agree with the tons of nutritional advice in the documentary focusing on one major dietary problem in our lives: instead of a diet made up of 33% (or so) Fruits and Vegetables, our diet was nearly entirely made up of meats and processed foods. We made the decision that, when we could afford it, we would get a juicer or a blender and start making the necessary changes in our diets. Oddly enough, we found a normally $200 blender/food processor combination in the Clearance section of our local mega-mart for 75% off within 48 hours of making this decision. Almost instantly, fruit and vegetable smoothies entered our daily diet, taking the place of our normal lunch routine.
Yesterday, given all the pet-centric chaos and commotion around here, we skipped our daily smoothies. Lor had some canned fruit, I had some leftovers from dinner the night before. I felt completely drained of energy by 8 last night, and woke up this morning with all the symptoms of a good, old-fashioned hangover. The lack of plant-based nutrients yesterday had me paying a serious price today. I told Lor this morning: “I should’ve just manned up and made our smoothies yesterday.”
We both chuckled at the idea that “manning up” equated to eating plants. And I have been thinking about that laughter ever since. Why is it, I wonder, that we look at eating veggies as un-masculine? It can’t really have anything to do with the work involved in raising plant-based foods: any farmer will tell you that farming is anything but a weakling’s profession. It is work made up of days filled with long, arduous labor. We’ll have to look elsewhere for where meat = man.
There is an inherently combative element to the idea of eating meat, I suppose – “Nature, red in tooth and claw”, and all that. But talk to any professional athlete about the idea of eating an all-meat diet and you will be laughed out of the clubhouse. Whole, plant-based foods contain nearly all the nutrients a human needs to survive and thrive. (Some vitamins can be an exception.) What the heck is so manly about being nutrient-deficient?
But, the myth persists. We know a family where the wife attempted to start she and her husband on a daily regimen of plant-based smoothies, only to have the husband reject the idea. Why? Because it wasn’t “real food”. I, myself, have frequently mocked the people I know who prefer salads over steaks, calling them “tree-huggers”, and saying they are eating “bunny food.” Now, at 150 pounds overweight, I wish I had eaten more salads and otherwise kept my mouth shut.
There is nothing manly about gasping for air after a walk around the block. Embrace your inner bunny, and start making decisions based on what your body needs, instead of the foods that you think of as masculine. Your six-pack will never be visible if it is hidden beneath a beer keg, like mine.
Drinking My Lunch (And I Don’t Mean Budweiser).
– Hawkwind